


Post Episode Series

by scintillateworld



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, post episode series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scintillateworld/pseuds/scintillateworld
Summary: A series of post-episode one-shots about Barson.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to start a post-ep series to write more for SVU. I loved the season premiere and in a moment of inspiration this one-shot almost wrote itself.
> 
> It addresses the season 18 premiere and some unresolved (in my opinion) business between them from season 17. And I also sneaked in the actors' views on their relationship between them, because I just couldn't help doing so.
> 
> I haven't mentioned this before, but I am also on tumblr under the name ''scintillateworld'' for those who are interested. I would love to start receiving prompts from people or suggestions for one-shots, anything Barson basically. So leave me a message in my ask box and I will write when inspiration strikes.
> 
> Warning: contains spoilers for episode 18x01.
> 
> I apologize for my rambling, so without further ado, my one-shot. I hope you enjoy.

**''Terrorized''**

As the day began to wind down and the evening settled in, Barba found himself unable to tear his thoughts away from Olivia. The past few days had been hectic with emotions running high for everyone as they fought to keep a city in terror safe from the possibility of a life altering attack. Lives had already been lost, and fortunately the damage had been minimized.

Unfortunately, he couldn't consider the same for Olivia. She had once again fought for everything she believed in, despite the fact that she hit a wall with each turn. He had admired her courage as she stood by her beliefs, but he also had to fight her on the standpoint.

It had been a series of frustrating days, which had him on his feet and out the door with the intention to check in with Olivia and share a late night drink.

* * *

With his favorite scotch tugged in his hand, he waited for the door to open. It only took a few more seconds before she revealed herself. Her face carried an unrelenting pain he'd never seen before, but he refrained from commenting as he took notice of her appearance. She wore a pair of sweatpants, a black top, and a light cardigan on top of it, telling him she had settled in for the night.

He held up the battle, a small smile crossing his lips. ''Thought you could use a drink.'' he said with ease.

''Perfect timing, counselor.'' she quipped, stepping aside to let him into her apartment.

She closed the door and turned around as Barba moved into the kitchen to retrieve two glasses. Inwardly, she felt her heart swell that he'd become so comfortable in her apartment, even knowing the ins and outs of her kitchen. Of course it wasn't surprising with their former tradition of winding down with drinks after difficult cases.

Today, however, seemed to top them all for her. Perhaps it was the combination of exhaustion and emotion that caused her to reach that conclusion, but she truly felt drained. After her walk in the park with Noah she had returned home and spent her time adoring her son, and not taking a single moment for granted. The squad had survived another day. Barba had survived another day, and so had she.

She joined Barba on the couch, finally taking note he was wearing the same suit she'd last seen him in, which suggested he'd been in the office before visiting her.

''Thanks.'' she said while taking a glass from his hand. She settled back in the couch comfortably with a reasonable distance between them.

Barba hovered forward, his elbows on his knees, as he stared down at her floor. Many emotions were crossing his mind. ''Have you spoken to Dodds at all?'' he asked bluntly, immediately raising the topic of concern to him.

Her first response was to avoid the subject altogether, but it seemed Barba had other plans in mind. She watched him shift on her couch, fully coming to face her. With hesitance she shook her head softly. ''No,'' she croaked out, unable to find other words to form.

''Give him time.'' he suggested, his voice filling with emotion. He observed her every move and expression, realizing she was hiding from it all. Mostly from the immense responsibility she felt for Dodds' death. From the fear of losing another member of her squad. ''Please, don't do that.'' he said, almost pleadingly so.

Her eyes shot up to his questioningly. ''Do what?''

''Blaming yourself.'' he clarified quickly. He put his glass down on the table before him and focused solely on her in the hopes of taking away some of her pain. ''Liv, the weight of the world isn't supposed to be on your shoulders. You're not responsible for Dodds' death.''

''I know.'' she agreed. ''But that doesn't make it feel right or fair, Barba.''

Her emotional struggle was his as she continued to mask the pain. ''It will never be right.'' he remarked, catching her eyes again. ''But it does you or Noah no good if you carry all the responsibility with you.''

He was so painfully right that is caused her face to soften. Barba was one of the few people in her life she considered a true friend, even her best friend. It was often the reason that things would get heated between them. There seemed to be a fine line between professionalism and friendship between them, from which they found their way back most of the time.

But over the past year nothing had been the same. They had spoken less and less outside of work after he discovered her former relationship with Tucker. They continued to work professionally, but late night drinks and reassurances faded slowly with each passing day. So it surprised her that they were involved in a more personal conversation now.

''This is nice. It feels like old times.'' she remarked with a smile. ''I've really missed this.''

All he thought was how much he felt the same. Maybe even more so. Olivia had been his best friend for years. Together they had become a solid team while also being capable of disagreeing on cases, which had been no different the past few days. But ultimately he made her tougher and she opened him up, made him more compassionate. Oftentimes, he liked to think of them as a mess of checks and balances. One couldn't exists without the other, balancing each other. There was an unspoken understanding between them, a small knowing that forgiveness was never far out of reach.

''I missed this, too.'' he confessed as a familiarity washed over him. It was a moment of pure bliss he suddenly felt. A feeling he only ever found when he was in her presence. ''I never stopped caring, Liv.'' he began to explain, but stopped for a moment to find the right words. ''Circumstances just seemed to force our hands in choosing our careers above anything else. I detest what the past year has done to us.'' he said, putting weight on the word _us_ , as if to give her a subtle hint.

She could see the raw emotion in his eyes, sending a shiver through her body. ''So do I.'' she whispered in agreement, never looking away from his eyes. ''For some reason you fit into my life so seamlessly that I feared getting used to us not only being colleagues, but friends…and…'' she stopped and faltered, not being able to say those last words.

He reached out for her hands suddenly, squeezing them reassuringly. ''And with all the insanity in our lives, the thing I was most afraid of losing was you, and sometimes I wonder if I ever had you in the first place.''

Her eyes began shining with tears. ''Rafael, there hasn't been a moment that you haven't had me. I've at least always been your friend.''

Both glasses of scotch had been completely forgotten, and he couldn't bring himself to care. This seemed to be their defining moment, and he was going to face it head on.

''Do you ever wonder about us?'' he asked without hesitation, needing to know if the thought of them together had ever crossed her mind.

''In what way?''

He no longer wanted to respect the distance that was between them, so he moved towards her on the couch. ''Us together, being something more. Giving it a real shot.''

She lifted her hand to his cheek lovingly. ''All the time.''

As the words registered, he indulged in her gorgeous smile, the compassion of her brown eyes, and the disbelief of what was happening. He leaned forward, their bodies moving closer in a torturously slow pace. He paused for a moment, and then seconds later the distance evaporated as his lips found hers.

It was slow at first, the perfect mix of softness and curiosity, and then they just sunk into it with the passion growing. It was everything a first kiss had never been for either of them. It was perfect and sweet.

With the heat in her body growing out of control, she pulled back slightly to come up for air. Her hands rested on his shoulders, and she let one slide down, coming to rest against his chest. ''Despite everything, I haven't felt happier.'' she beamed.

''Neither have I.''

And without another word, her lips found his again.

This was the start of new beginnings, promises of something greater. And nothing could be more right and more perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to be back with a new post-ep for 15x10. At first I wanted to keep it under 1500 words, but it seemed to take on a life of its own. So here I am with about 3000 words, and I sincerely hope you all will enjoy this.
> 
> And a huge thanks to all those who commented and left kudos!
> 
> Episode: Psycho/Therapist

 

* * *

 

 '' **Psycho/Therapist''**

 

As soon as the verdict had been read, the emotions came crashing down on her. The intensity of the trial mixed with the sickness that Lewis made her feel, caused her to flee from the courtroom within seconds. With one last nod at her squad and Barba, she was gone.

Fleeing to find air to breath. To escape the suffocating atmosphere that enveloped her. She rushed past dozens of people, her eyes searching desperately for a place to be alone. To be in silence, to just be without anyone looking only at her.

Quickly, she found the door to the stairwell, pushing it open an descending down the stairs. Her hands grasped the railing tightly as she came crashing down onto the stairs. Her first instinct was to stay strong and push it all back where it had been. Hidden behind the walls she had so carefully crafted. The one place where her pain and truth was allowed to roam freely, away from the people in her life. But the enormity of the emotions she carried, she could no longer run from.

Her hand brushed her hair back briefly, as the tears stung in her eyes. With the first drop slipping down her cheek, the floodgates were opened. Her hands came up to cover her eyes as the tears came rolling down. Her body trembled heavily as she got lost in the profound hurt, she could no longer deny.

It truly had been done to her. She had been torn to pieces, emotionally, and physically as she bared the scars that Lewis inflicted upon her. No longer could she stand to face the consequences of what it all meant. Denial had been her friend since she returned to work and had been her only way of coping.

Her body suddenly froze, as the sound of a door opening behind her reached her ears. On instinct she wiped the tears from her eyes, and was about to rise to her feet when the familiar voice echoed in the stairwell.

''Liv.'' Barba breathed out, his voice soft and pained all at once.

All he wanted was to sweep her into his arms, and take away all the pain. He'd move heaven and earth to do so. But instead, he resigned to slowly walking down the steps and sitting down next to her, giving her space just in case. As he sat down in silence, he didn't think once about keeping his suit clean. His intention were only centered around Olivia.

He knew her refusal to make eye contact stemmed solely from her need to protect herself. Since her first day back at SVU, she had taken cases by storm, never letting anyone down. She'd been fighting for everyone, except herself. He knew that much. And after the trial, she had to feel destroyed. Lewis had tested her resolve, her strength, everything she possessed. And there had been nothing he could do to keep the monster at bay while he questioned her.

It had thoroughly sickened him. But it was over. He was going to prison for life where he could never hurt her again. And that notion brought some relief to him, but it didn't to her, and that caused him to feel grave concern for her well-being.

A sob broke the silence in the stairwell, and Barba lifted his hand and let it rest on Olivia's shoulder. He moved his body closers to hers, his arm pulling her closer gently. It was a new intimacy for them, and he felt himself testing his own limits, knowing his feelings for her ran much deeper than their friendship.

The strong arm around her shoulder came as a surprise, but she accepted his warm embrace, and let her head fall against his shoulder. A deep breath passed her lips, and for the first time, she found herself focusing on something other than her sorrows.

She found herself relishing in the feel of his strong arm wrapped around her, the smell of his cologne, and the immense comfort he already brought to her life without speaking a word to her. Just his presence began to break her tears.

Barba had lost complete track of time, but wanted to get her out of the courthouse. She needed to be somewhere more comfortable.

''Let me get you away from here.'' he whispered gently, not moving an inch.

''Yeah,'' she said in an almost inaudible whisper as she slowly pulled back from his embrace.

She pushed herself up, feeling her legs weakly supporting her. She held onto the railing and felt his hand coming to rest on the small of her back, and guiding her out of the stairwell, away to a safer and better place for her.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they stumbled into Barba's apartment after encountering a rather large rainstorm when going in and out of the cab. They had quickly agreed to dry off and order dinner at his place as it was closest to the courthouse, and neither of them seemed to be willing to spent fifteen more minutes in the back of a cab in wet clothing.

They had barely exchanged words during the drive over, and as they stood opposite of each other in the confines of his apartment, it wasn't any different. The air was heavy, and the tension palpable. It was difficult to determine what to say, or even how to act.

So Barba signaled into the direction of his bedroom, and quickly retrieved his oversized Harvard sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. He laid them down on the bed and turned to find Olivia hovering in his doorway, obviously contemplating what to do.

''Clean clothes are on the bed.'' he told her. ''If you need you can take a shower. You can find clean towels in the bathroom.'' he added quickly, wanting to give her a moment to herself.

Olivia nodded at him, not speaking a word. ''Thank you.'' she said as he passed her in the doorway. His shoulder touched hers briefly, sending an unfamiliar spark through her.

She stretched out her hand, pulling him back by his arm. She turned slightly to face him, seeing nothing but sincerity in his features. There was an unlimited amount of compassion radiating in his deep green eyes, and she felt so grateful for him. Not just Rafael Barba the ADA, but the man before her. It was a side he didn't show in court. A more caring, way more compassionate man, whom he buried beneath fashionable three piece suits. Not that she hated his suits. He looked undeniably good in them, but she loved witnessing him as the compassionate person he could be.

''Thank you for everything, Barba. All of this.'' she said, noticing the glimmer in his eyes at her words.

He genuinely blushed at her. ''I'm here for you, Liv. Always.'' he expressed with deep emotion. ''Go get comfortable, and I'll order us some food.'' he insisted sincerely, and watched her nod in return.

She disappeared into the bathroom, finding it in perfect condition, as expected. With Barba, she didn't expect anything but perfection. She laid down the sweats on the sink and gazed at her own reflection in the mirror, which caused the emotions to rush back to her.

After her horrifying ordeal with Lewis, she had changed. At work she became more passionate, even more efficient. But in her personal life, the cracks began to form as she began to become a shell of person she once was. Wine had become her comfort to forget her desperate struggles, and even her relationship with Brian, couldn't survive the changes in her life. The break-up months earlier was amicable, but it left her alone. And for some reason, she felt even more alone as she stared back at her own reflection. A haunting look in her eyes suggested she was consumed in nothing but darkness.

She finally turned away, stripping herself of her clothes, and stepping into the shower to welcome to warm water to wash away her troubles for as long as humanly possible.

While Olivia was taking her shower, Barba allowed himself a moment to breath as he downed a glass of scotch in his kitchen. The trial had taken every ounce of strength from him. Trying to stay strong for Olivia had been his main focus. If he lost himself in her pain as well, all hope would be lost, and Lewis would've walked freely. So he allowed himself a moment to come up for air, and gather his emotions.

He grabbed the bottle of scotch along with two glasses, and Olivia's favorite wine just to be sure, and set them down on a side table in the spacious living room. Then he walked over to his favorite chair and dropped down with a deep sigh to wait for the food to arrive and Olivia to finish up in the bathroom.

Minutes passed by, and Barba was suddenly aware he'd fallen asleep when the sounds of feet treading into his direction awoke him. He pushed himself up from the chair to find Olivia standing close to his kitchen. As he first caught a glance of her, he needed to swallow back the lump that was forming in his throat. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, and the Harvard sweatshirt looked incredibly good on her.

But it was something else that caused the heat in his body to rise and the words to fail him completely. Perhaps it was the determination in her eyes and the way they connected with his own.

''Chinese should be here any moment.'' he said to break the tension. ''I ordered your favorite.''

Before there was a chance for her to respond, there was an insistent knock on his front door. He immediately turned away and rushed to the door, picking up his wallet and opening it. He politely greeted the delivery boy, handing him the money with a tip.

He closed the door, ready to head back into the living room. But as he turned and was about to move forward, he nearly collided with Olivia. ''Liv…'' he whispered unknowingly, wondering what had suddenly possessed her because she was crossing all the lines that existed between them. He was nearly pressed up against the door, their bodies almost touching.

As she stared back at him, all she felt was the urgent need to find solace, redemption even. And she knew she could only find it with him. Her support system, her best friend, and perhaps he was something more.

Her eyes were stinging with tears and she was unable to tear herself away from him. ''I need…'' she whispered but her voice faltered.

He put the bag with food down, feeling that the conversation was about to take a very different turn then their usual ones, and he needed to prepare himself. ''What do you need, Liv?'' he asked her gently, his voice soft and understanding.

''I want to forget, Barba. All of it.'' she whispered through the falling tears. ''I need you.''

Her confession caused his heart to swell and break all at once. The emotions tore right through him as it was accompanied by a mix of relief and sadness. He wanted her, always had since first laying eyes on her. But he didn't want to take advantage of her. She'd been through too much and he refused to add any pain to her life.

''Liv, I would do anything for you, you know that. But I won't take advantage of you, ever.'' he expressed kindly.

For a moment, there was only silence between them. An exchange of knowing and longing looks, which only increased the intensity between them. It seemed clear that neither of them could deny the connection between them, and Olivia was unwilling to give up.

Instead of listening to his voiced concerns, she took one small step forward, easing herself against his body and letting her lips connect with his.

For Barba, the sensation was all too overpowering to stop her. Her lips were soft and pliant against his own, and as she pressed her body up against his, he had lost the power to stop. With a renewed determination, he responded to her, his arms pulling her close. His hands slowly traced along the sweater he'd worn too many time to count as his hands slowly pushed up her sides.

The kiss intensified as Olivia felt herself being spun around by Barba, and being pressed up against the door gently. The feeling of their bodies pressed together and their lips meeting was sending her into a different world. A place where she could forget her pain.

When their tongues intertwined and he felt his body responding to her ministrations, he slowly broke away by taking a step back. Distance ensured that he wouldn't lose his control any further. He'd already crossed a line, he swore to never blur. And yet it had felt so right. But she was vulnerable, and that he couldn't take advantage of.

He saw the doubt seep into her after he had pulled away, making him step forward once more. His hand came to rest against her cheek. ''Liv, I want this. I do, believe me.'' he began, hoping he was making the right choice. ''But I could never hurt you.''

She leaned into his hand, closing her eyes at his touch. ''You won't hurt me.'' she promised as she registered the immense love in his eyes. ''I've wanted you for a long time, Rafael.''

His doubts began to fade by the determination in her voice. Perhaps this was a chance for them. He had stood by as her relationship with Brian blossomed, and in private moments he allowed himself to admit he couldn't stand seeing her with anyone else. From the small amounts of information he'd heard about her past relationships it seemed, she'd always been hurt. And he'd never want to be another man passing through her life. He wanted to stay and make it work. He'd fight for her no matter what.

''Are you sure, Liv?'' he asked, needing to hear it one last time before there was no going back.

The air between was tense and he was blatantly aware of her proximity. With one step, the distance would be diminished and she'd be able to kiss him once more. ''More than I've ever been before.'' she whispered.

This time, Barba leaned in to kiss her, savoring the touch of her fingers pressed against his chest. As she responded, he realized this kiss was very different. It was ravishing, and making him feel alive, unlike anything he'd ever felt before. They matched each other in passion as their tongues danced together, and their hands began the explorations of each other's bodies.

She had pushed the suit jacket off his shoulders as her fingers began working on the buttons of his dress shirt. Her hands worked in an expertly fashion in ridding him off his clothes in a moment's notice.

Next thing he knew, his belt had been unbuckled and she had opened the snap on his pants. He groaned in awe when she pulled away, stepping back and slowly lifting the Harvard sweater over her head. His breaths quickened at the revelation she was naked beneath the sweater. He reclaimed her lips and pulled her body incredibly close, their chests pressed together, sending a wave of arousal through him.

They stumbled through the apartment with their lips sealed together, and their bodies pressed up against the occasional wall to find support while stripping their clothing. It didn't take long for Olivia's back to collide with the soft mattress of his bed, and Barba coming to rest on top of her.

She laid back as he proceeded to kiss his way down her body, the touch of his skin setting her own skin on fire. She recorded every sensation, every small moment, as he brought her to the edge with ease. It was if he'd known her body for years on end and knew exactly how to please her.

When he finally pushed into her, their bodies joining together as one, they were both gone. The motions were slow, filled with pure love. They moved together breathlessly with their lips connecting as they hummed their own song, in their own world.

It was more than either could've imagined or even hoped for. When they finished, Barba let himself fall down next to her on the bed and wrapped his arms around her as he laid next to her. He kissed her shoulders and gently pulled the brown strands of hair from her face.

He watched in reverence as she quickly slipped into a serene slumber. Her features were peaceful as the occasional small breath passed her lips. He felt like pinching himself just to make sure the moment was real. But the woman lying in his arms was enough proof, and he fell asleep just moments later, never letting her go.

* * *

Hours later, Barba turned on his side to find the bed and empty and cold beside him. Out of sheer fear of Olivia having disappeared, he flew straight up in the bed. He quickly noticed her silhouette in front of his windows, the moonlight falling perfectly upon her.

He sat on the edge of his bed, his feet coming to rest on the ground. He got up and quickly put on his boxers before he made his way towards her.

She heard him move in behind her, his arms coming to rest around her naked body wrapped in the blanket. She leaned back against him, breathing in deeply and enjoying the stillness she felt. ''Tonight was perfect, Rafael.'' she mumbled softly.

He kissed her neck, pulling her even closer than before, his head resting on her shoulder. ''It certainly was, mi amor.'' he agreed with satisfaction.

She slowly turned around in his arms and leaned for a lingering kiss. ''I…I…'' she stopped when she found herself unable to voice her feelings in fear of it being too soon.

He saw the struggle in her eyes, but knew exactly what she attempted to say. ''I love you.'' he told her, seeing something in her eyes spark.

Any fear she held, faded into thin air, and she found herself smiling at him. ''I love you, too.'' she said happily.

Although she had yet to overcome her internal struggles and fight her demons, she felt stronger than ever before. With him by her side, she'd be able to withstand her struggles and fight back. She'd finally be able to look forward to something more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am excited to be back with my next post-ep for 17x11. This one was requested by barsonaddict, and I would like to dedicate it to her! She's amazing and her writing makes me swoon every time, so I can only hope this will do the same.
> 
> If there's a particular episode you would like to see next, let me know! Requests are more than welcome.

 

'' **Townhouse Incident''**

 

_Who at the NYPD do you trust?_

_My squad, my detectives._

_No, someone with more pull. Someone that cares about you. Is there anyone at the NYPD who cares if you live or if you die?_

 

It was the question that continued to haunt her, besides keeping everyone, including herself, safe. There were quite a few people she trusted at the NPYD, but those who truly cared about her well-being were very few. Of course her squad, Tucker as of mostly recently. Yet her mind only clung to the idea of Barba still caring.

They had been through hell and back as their careers began to test their relationship until it came to an abrupt end after the police shooting grand jury. Time and time again it seemed that their relationship hadn't been strong enough to withstand the immense pressure of their jobs. And after the police shooting they'd taken different sides, which seemed to have a lasting impact on them.

She had been unable to move past his unflinching questioning during the grand jury, while Barba was unable to forgive her dishonesty. It had been the case to test their resolve, and their relationship had fallen apart. Nothing had been the same since then.

Yet despite the end of their personal relationship, she only wondered how Barba felt during her time hostage at the townhouse. It was all that consumed her thoughts as the paramedics tended to her wounds and later as a cab drove her to One Hogan Place.

She had turned down invitations from the squad to go out for a drink, knowing her anxiety would only be settled by the mere sight of one person. The conflict, the fear of dying, the uneasiness of living an unfinished life. It could only be resolved by one person. By him. By the man she had loved and lost.

It was her need for answers that brought her to the courthouse in the dark. It was what carried her into the direction of his office. And when she finally reached his office, she hovered in the doorway.

Barba's focus was torn from the casefile in his lap when the sound of movement stole his attention away. His eyes shut up to the door, and a part of him wasn't surprised to see her standing in the doorway. His heart nonetheless skipped a beat at the sight of her. His first instinct was to jump to his feet and embrace her, to assure himself that she was in fact alive. But it was no longer up to him to care for her like that, so he remained on the couch instead.

He let his eyes trace the features of her face, his anger boiling at the sight of her bruised eye. For a moment all he saw was the conflict in her brown eyes, the immense need for something he couldn't pinpoint. So he let his gaze trace every part of her body, along her curves, and back up to her face. He needed that moment to assure himself she was there. That she was alive and actually standing there in the flesh. It was the only way of assuring himself, and keeping a respectable distance.

She continued to hover in his doorway as she felt his eyes on her. Her own eyes located the stern lines of his features, and forced her to realize that the day had been hell for him. She recognized the exhaustion in his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped. But the biggest sign was the glass of scotch cradled in his hand.

When their eyes met, she took a step forward, and then another, never losing his gaze. She walked over to him slowly, and with a purpose she didn't realize she had before. She lowered down to the couch and gently took the glass of scotch from his hand to set it down on the table.

With his eyes on hers questioningly, she turned to face him. ''I shouldn't be here.'' she choked, but she didn't pull back. She leaned forward, her head coming to rest against his. She closed her eyes, relishing in the moment of the intimacy she had missed so desperately.

Her actions spoke louder than words could, and he realized she needed this and so did he. Maybe even more so than her. ''It's okay.'' he whispered gently.

Seconds later, she felt him pull back slightly, only to press his lips against her forehead. She closed her eyes at the sensation and let her head fall to his shoulder as his arm pulled her body into his warm embrace. She settled down against him, her body beginning to relax as she felt the warmth of his body seep into her own.

They remained in the same position for what seemed like hours. No words were needed. It was their presence that only mattered. Their breathing, the warmth of each other's bodies, reminded them the other was still alive. That even after such a horrifying day, they had somehow made it through.

It was Barba who first broke the silence, never moving away from her. ''How are you feeling?''

She lifted her hand to touch her eye at his question, feeling the bruised skin beneath her fingertips. Her head was aching, her body tired, yet in that moment she felt more peaceful than she had in a while. ''All in all, I am feeling okay.'' she answered as she began to shift in his embrace. She pulled back far enough to be able to face him properly. ''What about you?''

He had been terrified as he begun to picture what life would be like without her. The idea of her not stepping out of that house alive nearly killed him too. He just didn't know how tell her that. ''I was worried for you. For your safety.''

''I should go.'' she whispered, feeling that she had made a mistake in coming to him.

She pushed herself up from the couch and made her towards the door, her heart sinking in her chest. She had hoped for something, something more. But she was too afraid to say the words herself. Too afraid because she couldn't have her heart broken again.

''Liv, wait!'' Barba suddenly pleaded.

Her hand was on the door knob when she heard his plea and it forced her to spin around. She turned to find his eyes watering, the emotion ever so present.

He stood in the middle of his office facing Olivia with an overwhelming emotion. ''I was petrified.'' he confessed without shame. ''I was terrified of losing you. I had to stand on the goddamn sidelines while you were in that house.'' he went on. ''I've never felt so sick in my entire life.''

She nodded through a set of tears of her own, closing the distance between them. ''I was scared, too.'' she told him. ''All I could think about was you and Noah.'' she cried out.

Barba initiated the last step, and wrapped his arms around her body, holding onto her tightly. ''You don't have to be scared anymore.'' he whispered into her hair. ''You're here, Noah's here, and so am I.''

With difficulty, Olivia pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes. ''We have to talk about this, Rafael.'' she reminded him. ''You and I…we're…it's complicated. We recently found a balance again at work, and now…''

He nodded, understanding her hesitance. ''Liv, I understand where you're coming from.'' he began. ''But there's only one thing I realized after today, and that is that I'll give up anything if it means I can have a second chance with you.''

She wanted to believe more than anyone that a second chance was in the cards for them, but real life had a way of testing relationships. ''What about our jobs?'' she questioned. ''I want to be with you. I really do, but things would need to be different.''

He lifted his hand and reached for her cheek. ''Things will be different.'' he assured her. ''I have realized that all that matters to me is you and Noah, because I am in love with you.'' he said sincerely. ''I am so in love with you.''

His words shocked her to her very core. He spoke the sentiment with such conviction that it made her step forward as her lips slowly brushed against his. She moaned into the kiss as he pulled her closer to his body, deepening the kiss with an unrivaled force of passion.

This kiss represented tenderness and comfort. A promise that they would both fight for the other no matter the obstacles. The kiss contained all the pent-up emotion each of them had harbored since their separation, and it had led them to a moment of beauty. Their inevitable reunion.

As they broke apart, Olivia had trouble catching her breath. Her senses were in overdrive as she stared back at the smirk on his face. ''I love you, too.'' she said happily. ''And if things get hard, I promise you that I'll show up. I won't run away this time.''

He leaned in for another quick kiss, unable to believe what was actually happening. ''This has been one hell of a day.'' he said. ''We should go home.''

''Spend the night with me and Noah.'' she offered without question.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close once more. ''I would love that.''

Together they left his office in silence, both realizing they were walking towards a hopeful future. If today had taught them anything, it was the value of love, the enormity of their love for each other. And the small fact that they simply couldn't live without each other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been dealing with writer's block for some time now, and getting this written took way too long, but I wanted to do it. So here it is.
> 
> I hope to update Changing Tides by the end of this week, and to post a sequel to Poison & Wine as well.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

'' **Motherly Love''**

 

Despite her earlier rejection of his offer to go for drinks, she found herself sending him a message to ask him to come over. Holding Noah had lessened the sadness for the most part, but a lingering need to let go of the case remained behind.

The case had caused many emotions to surface. Memories of her own mother had come back, but it had also been accompanied by a fear for Luke. It was certain that his mother had damaged the teenager, and she couldn't imagine how any child could move on from such circumstances. She'd never wish that for her own son.

With that final thought, she turned around and hovered in the doorway of Noah's bedroom. She remained frozen as she watched his chest rise and fall. Nothing in the world could diminish her love for her son. Noah was her entire world, one of the few reasons to live for, and he reminded her every day how precious life was.

And to think a mother capable of betraying her child to save herself, nauseated her. The case was proof that not all mothers cared and loved their children like they should.

Her train of thought was interrupted when a soft knock on the front door grabbed her attention. A small smile crossed her face, knowing that it was Barba on the other side. She gently closed the door behind her and made her way across the apartment.

She opened the door and had to hold back a gasp at the sight of the ADA in jeans, a simple coat and a scarf. It wasn't a bad sight at all, and hinted at the casual nature of his visit.

''It's the jeans, right?'' he inquired when her gaze stayed low.

As soon as his voice rang in her ears she looked up at him, stepping aside at the same time. ''Hmm, no.'' she lied, but quickly recovered when he shot her a smile. ''Well, it's not your usual attire.''

He walked into the apartment and began to take off his coat as he turned to face her. ''I hope you like it nonetheless.''

She took the coat from his hands and already felt better by being in his presence. ''You always look good, Barba, and I think you're very aware of that.''

''If it weren't for the hint of sarcasm in your voice, I would think you were actually paying me a compliment.''

His face turned into a mischievous grin as she decided to pass up a response. In his eyes she saw nothing but kindness and compassion. After all those years of working together they'd gotten to know each other better than anyone, even changing each other's perspectives.

He was the one person who fought for the victims in a place where she couldn't. And their need to depend on one another had created a bond she never expected when she first met him. They'd grown closer over time and despite conflicts they managed to move forward.

''I can almost hear you think.'' he remarked. ''Anything you want to share?''

She shook her head immediately and moved into the direction of her kitchen. ''Scotch or wine?''

Barba approached and halted next to her, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back. ''Let me get it, Liv.'' he offered. ''Have a seat and I'll get the drinks. I have a feeling we're both in the mood for something strong.''

She felt no need to object to his offer. She walked over to the couch and sat down on the far end as she watched Barba move about her kitchen quickly. ''Thank you for doing this.''

His eyes connected with hers and he felt his heart swell at her words. ''You never need to thank me for spending time with you. Or Noah.'' he added as he took the two glasses and bottle of scotch over to her. He set everything down on the coffee table and handed her one of the glasses.

''I never did ask you how you felt about today.'' she said as he sat down on the couch next to her with a considerable distance between them.

He leaned forward with his elbows coming to rest on his knee, his gaze turning to ahead of him for a moment. ''Sometimes I think the world can't get worse. That people don't have anything more terrible to offer than what we've already been confronted with, but then there are days when humanity shocks me all over again.'' he told her openly. ''Today was one of those days for me. To see a mother betray her son like that…'' he stopped and shook his head when he was unable to continue purely out of disbelief from the circumstances.

''It's devastating.'' she mumbled.

He nodded a silent agreement, followed by him drinking his entire glass of scotch at once. He put the glass back on the table and leaned back in the couch. ''But then there's you.'' he whispered.

The words came with a wave of questions as she stared into his green orbs with her brown ones. She searched his eyes for any meaning, but was unable to trace his emotions. ''What?'' she asked softly.

He knew the timing to confess his feelings for her wasn't right in that moment. She was still recovering from her relationship with Tucker, and he wanted to give her time and space. He wanted her to be ready when he did tell her. So he settled for less of an emotional shock. ''You, Olivia.'' he spoke. ''You remind me each day that there's still good in the world.'' he went on. ''When I look at you, the world becomes better, the world is better. You're an amazing mother to your son, a great leader to your squad, and you're my best friend. You're a good person, and it's enough to remind me of the good in my life.''

''Barba…'' she croaked.

The distance between them decreased as Olivia moved closer to him, wrapping her hand around his on his knee. ''You're a good man, Rafael.'' she told him. ''I couldn't do any of this without you. On days like this I need you too.'' she continued. ''I can't imagine doing this job without you by my side.''

''You give me more credit than I deserve, Liv.''

She squeezed his hand gently as she shook her head in disapproval. ''Don't you see?'' she asked. ''You saved Luke's life today by not giving up on him. You made sure the right person was convicted and with that you brought justice. What you do is important.''

''Well, I have someone in my life who is a great example.''

Once again she couldn't help but smile back at him. He was the one person who could make her smile very easily. His presence was always comforting. He had a way with words and understanding of her that very few people had.

''So what do we do, Counselor?'' she asked happily.

He released her hand and moved even closer to her on the couch, his hand coming to rest on her leg. ''Do you mean right this moment or are we talking about something else here?''

She sighed as she enjoyed the warmth of his body next to hers. His hand resting on her leg caused a chill to run down her spine in anticipation. ''Both.''

''Right now we should continue sitting here and drinking.'' he suggested, seeing her lips curve into an even wider smile. ''As for the future I think we should take it slow. This, right here, is enough for now.''

She leaned with her body into his as she watched him closely, thinking of what to say next. ''I couldn't agree more.''

He just nodded at her words, his hand reaching out until he caught hers again. He gently squeezed it, brushing her fingers over her hand at the same time. ''Good because I really want to see where this can go.''

''I feel like we're already so deep into this that there's no turning back anyway.'' she told him, finally voicing the feelings she had been carrying with her for a long time. ''Sometimes I feel very conflicted about us.''

He stared into her eyes intently. ''I know what you mean.'' he said in a soft voice. ''I've always lived by the rules and I impose them on others. A relationship between us could risk our careers. But when it comes to you, I don't want to live by the rules anymore. You make me happy, and that's something I don't want to let go.''

''Then we should continue this.'' she told him strongly. ''But I don't want complicated anymore, Rafael. I've done complicated with Tucker and Brian. I…I…don't want that for us. I want this to be simple. Just normal.''

He pressed a kiss to her cheek as he pulled her closer to his body. ''I can do normal, Liv.'' he agreed. ''So let's be normal together.''

Her body was relaxed in his embrace as a silence surrounded them. In that moment, the world was good as they gave each other a feeling of normalcy and understanding. A feeling that perhaps with each other life could only become better, and that together they could make the world a better place.


End file.
